I
t's a sunny day at the park. Susan and her three-year-old daughter, Emily, are swinging happily, chatting about friends and the day's preschool activities. "Mom, don't forget to push Cartoons!" shouts Emily. Mom sidles up to the empty swing beside them and gives it a few good shoves. Cartoons is Emily's baby sister. She lives in Alabama with her mom and dad and she likes stuffed animals and rattles. And she happens to be invisible.
Imaginary friends used to be a cause for concern, but research is finding that kids with elaborate tales of friends who aren't really there are getting ahead in learning and social development. So what makes children who dream up pretend playmates so advanced?
Studies Show Imaginary Friends have Real Benefits
In the days of Dr. Spock, imaginary friends were seen as a symptom of social problems. If your child was spending her time talking to thin air, prevailing wisdom said she probably needed more attention and company. Seen as a way to deal with loneliness, stress, or conflict, imaginary friends had a bad rep for most of the 20th century.
But the tables have turned, with psychologists touting pretend friends as boosters for language and social skills. Last year a study from La Trobe University in Melbourne found that three- to six-year-olds with imaginary friends were more creative and socially advanced. Earlier studies had shown that kids with imaginary pals use more complex sentence structure, have richer vocabularies, and get along better with classmates.
The explanation? Kids who create a playmate get a chance to practice taking both sides of the conversation. They try on different roles, think abstractly, and conjure up original ideas. An elaborate fantasy world is like a test lab for some of the most important childhood skills.
How Imaginary Friends Affect Brain Development All pretend play is critical for brain development.
The regions of the brain that make imaginary friends possible — among them the prefrontal cortex and medial temporal lobe — start picking up signals around eighteen months of age, and they tap into some of our most advanced, higher-order thinking. When you hear your toddler make a chu chu noise with his train, this is your first clue that abstract thought has begun. It's no coincidence that the birth of pretend play synchs up with children recognizing themselves in the mirror — these are skills that mean our little monkeys are becoming conscious beings.
The Message for Parents
In all the excitement over imaginary friends, though, the real message seems to have gotten lost. It's not that made-up playmates are the key to success (no need to start nudging our kids to "get to work and make up an invisible friend"). What the results really suggest is that all pretend play is critical for brain development. When kids create worlds in their heads, they're flexing vital regions of the brain, and if we want their imaginations to really run wild, kids need space and unhurried time. If they get it, the pay-off can be significant (The recent book Nurture Shock cites research demonstrating that kids in preschool programs that dedicate extended time to pretend play jumped miles ahead in school achievement).
So maybe we should go lighter on the music and ballet lessons. Kids get a lot of stimulation and encouragement to be competitive in school and in their interactions with other kids. Let's make sure that they get the same support for directing their own play — whether it's at the playground with an invisible sister from the South, or at imaginary tea parties or forts at home. Hang back and let them exercise their imaginations — and think of all the brainpower they're building.
As a teacher, pre-kids, I always thought I'd want to start academics with my own children at an early age. Once Curly arrived and I saw how precious his face was when engaged in some serious playing, all twisted and contemplative, my whole tune changed.
My teacher training means I know where kids should be academically by Kindergarten and my expectation for what they should know in order to succeed is high. But seeing how excited my students get when given free time to explore and imagine reminds me that the only standards they should meet are the ones that help them achieve a smile. My mommy training means all I want for them is happiness.
As Curly's first year of preschool approached I became nervous about finding the right school for him. One that would balance both of the above desires. I put him on the wait lists at 6 different schools before he was 9 months old. Three near our home and three near my work, not sure if I'd be staying at home at that point or back to full-time teaching. As 2009 would have it, I was blessed to be home full-time with the 3 boys so Curly was able to enroll in my first choice of preschool near our home. A HIGHLY recommended, play-based preschool with no required emphasis on letters or counting other than the obvious teachable moments and seasonal theme curriculum.
Two weeks into the school year my friend's daughter brought home a project for her "Letter of the Week." I drooled with envy. Curly's beautiful art work hung in the living room window but it appeared as if the only letters he knew were the 4 spelling his name and he learned those from working with me.
I spent that whole night tossing and turning and analyzing whether or not I'd made the right decision for Curly. My first real decision with regard to his education. Had I screwed him up for life ALREADY?
Trusting my gut, I discussed my concerns with a few friends and they reminded me of what I already knew - he'd be fine. Wasn't I the first grade teacher who reassured my students' parents that most, if not, all kids read by third grade. Didn't I repeat 20 times each year that just because the Dept. of Education says kids must know x,y and z by June that it's not realistic to expect EVERY kid to do so?
I remember asking a parent of an older child how she made the decision to enroll her son in the pre-K program at our district instead of send him with his age-alike peers. Her son was the most well-adjusted, curious, independent, kind, bright kid I knew. She said, "Would you rather your child have another year of childhood or another year of adulthood?"
For me the answer was and still continues to be simple - I'd rather my boys have the former, but along with it, another year of play, not work. So what if I have to remind myself of that every once in awhile. I'm learning to play more too. =)And for the record, yes, I do "Letter of the Week" with the boys. I want to engage them in play-based, child-centered activities that have learning as a by-product. But for heaven's sakes, the teacher in me can't just let that beautiful easel and those perfect teachable moments just sway in the wind. Curly knows 20 of his letters and can count higher than the number of times he gets off his bed at night...and that's a lot =)
This article, Choosing a Preschool from Disney Family.com is the best summary I've found so far about the different types of preschools out there. It really enlightened me to the different curricular goals of each type of school and also helped me to justify how I know my son is in the right place for him. For now.PS - Last week at Spike's Mommy & Me class, the director of Curly's preschool spoke. Here are the notes for you to eat up too:
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Best Way to evaluate a preschool: By recommendations or "dropping in."
What to look for in a preschool:
The Benefits of a half day vs. a full day. ( Full day of school has its benefits but can mirror daycare)
There should be large blocks of time for a child to get engaged in an activity
Minimum Paperwork/Dittos
A clean and Safe environment
Title XXII Regulations should be followed (e.g. school has proper licensing, ratio of 12:1 not including administrative staff, etc)
Children should be behaving appropriately in class
Low staff turnover
Calm atmosphere
Do children seem happy?
How is the staff handling unhappy children?
What a good preschool offers:
Opportunity to develop cognitive skills
Exploring through five senses
Has toys for learning through discovery
No sitting for long periods of time
Books available for reading
Topics covered at school are different that what is learned at school (e.g. themes like citizenship, rain forests, etc)
Opportunities to learn and trust outside the family
Children learn to share, follow directions, verbalize feelings, how to handle negative behavior, and finding one's place in a class
Builds a positive self image
Encourages creative skills
Teaches separation, citizenship, and small and gross motor skills
Art materials
Reinforces foundations learned at home in a new environment
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Parents worry endlessly about how to protect their children from stranger abduction and violence, but many overlook one of the biggest threats to their children's safety and well-being — their own home. Experts say that children between the ages of 1 and 4 are more likely to be killed by fire, burns, drowning, choking, poisoning, or falls than by a stranger's violence.
About 2.5 million children are injured or killed each year by dangers right in their own home, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). That's why it's so important to carefully childproof your home.
Because childproofing and other safety measures can seem overwhelming, we've created three checklists that let you see at a glance what to do before your baby arrives, before your baby crawls, and before your baby starts toddling and climbing. You'll also find safety tips in our articles about childproofing your nursery, kitchen, and bathroom.
Here are some additional recommendations — along with some revealing statistics — about what you need to do to keep your preschooler safe at home.
You'll find all kinds of gadgets for sale that can really help your home childproofing efforts. Or, if you can afford it, you can hire a professional childproofer to choose and install safety devices for you. But keep in mind: Gadgets are no substitute for your eyes and ears.
"The best device is still supervision. I'd rather not recommend a product than suggest one that gives parents a false sense of security," says Anne Altman, a childproofing consultant and contractor in Santa Rosa, California.
The most effective way to ensure your preschooler's safety is to take a child's-eye view of your home. Get down on your hands and knees and see how things look from down there.
What's within reach? What looks tempting? Where would you go if you could crawl, toddle, or walk? This will help you figure out which cupboards, drawers, and other spaces your child might get into. As he starts walking and climbing, you'll have to reevaluate again, looking higher each time.
Carefully lock up or stow away every potential poison or other hazard, including cleaning products, medicines, vitamins, and knives. Another option is to use gates to limit your child's access to areas of your home that might contain dangerous items.
Keep an eye out for any tiny objects that your preschooler could choke on. Pick up any coins, marbles, beads, paper clips, and other small objects that you find on low tables or the floor or in low drawers or cupboards.
Be watchful when you have visitors, too. No matter how carefully you've childproofed the house, Great-Aunt Jane probably hasn't applied your standards to her purse. Aspirin, lipstick, and other items that people typically carry with them are dangerous to small children.
It's a good idea to protect electrical outlets with outlet covers. However, the removable little plug-in caps can easily end up in your child's mouth. Instead, replace the outlet cover itself — at least those that are accessible — with one that includes a sliding safety latch. If you're using any extension cords in your home, you should insulate the junction points with electrical tape.
You'll have to reevaluate these precautionary measures as your child grows. "Remember," says Altman, "childproofing is an ongoing process: The gate you put at the top of the stairs for your 1-year-old may become his favorite climbing structure when he's 2."
According to the CPSC, at least 5,000 children under the age of 10 go to the emergency room each year with injuries caused when television sets, bookcases, and other furniture and appliances have tipped over on them. About six people die from furniture tip-overs every year, most of them children under the age of 5.
Large or heavy bookcases, dressers, and appliances are real hazards: Bolt whatever you can to the wall. Push items like televisions back from the edge of the furniture they're on or move them out of reach, and then secure them, too. Always put heavier items on bottom shelves and in bottom drawers to make furniture less top-heavy.
Babies start pulling up on furniture shortly after they start crawling. And when they learn how to climb, watch out! Some kids scale counters, bookcases, and anything else they can grab hold of. Take care to place floor lamps behind other furniture so that their bases are out of your child's reach.
Be sure to keep dresser drawers closed when you're not using them — they make perfect ladders. And be particularly careful to fully close file cabinet drawers, since pulling out one drawer could cause the cabinet to fall over.
Furniture corners are another common hazard, especially those found on coffee tables. Cover all sharp corners and hearth edges with bumpers to soften the impact if your child falls.
Most parents consider safety gates essential childproofing tools. They allow you to open outside doors for air while keeping your child indoors, they contain him within a designated room, and they block his access to dangerous stairways and forbidden rooms, such as the bathroom or kitchen.
Unfortunately, if out-of-date or used improperly, safety gates can themselves pose a hazard to children. In general, look for gates your child can't dislodge but that you can easily open and close. (Otherwise, you'll be too tempted to leave them open when you're in a hurry.) For the top of the stairs, install a gate that screws to the wall rather than one that stays put by using pressure — it's much more secure.
It's best to buy brand-new safety gates, making sure they display a seal from the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA). Choose a gate with a straight-slat design rather than an older accordion-style gate with V-shaped openings, says Altman. "They can pose an entrapment and strangulation hazard."
According to the CPSC, the cords on window coverings are a frequent cause of strangulation of children under 5. The younger victims, usually between 10 and 15 months of age, are typically in cribs placed near windows with pull cords.
Window blinds pose a particular hazard because a baby's neck could become trapped in the cords that raise the blinds or run through the slats. A child can become entangled in a looped window cord and strangle in a matter of minutes.
If the crib must be near a window, either cut off the pull cords or use cord shorteners or wind-ups to keep them out of reach. You can also replace a cord loop with a safety tassle. Window blinds sold since November 2000 have attachments on the pull cords to prevent a loop from forming between the slats.
If you bought your blinds before November 2000, visit the Window Covering Safety Council's Web site or call (800) 506-4636 to order a free repair kit.
According to the CPSC, every year thousands of children in the United States die or are injured in falls from windows. Most of the children injured or killed are under the age of 5.
Always open double-hung windows from the top or fit them with locks to prevent small children from opening them. Low windows shouldn't open more than 4 inches. Window stops are available that can prevent windows from opening more than this. Some newer windows come with window stops already installed.
Window screens alone aren't strong enough to prevent falls. You might consider installing window guards, which screw into the side of a window frame, have bars no more than 4 inches apart, and can be adjusted to fit windows of many different sizes.
According to industry standards announced by the CPSC in June 2000, the guards must fit snugly but not so securely that an older child or adult cannot remove them in case of an emergency. (The CPSC considers non-removable window guards safe for windows on the seventh floor and above.) Keep furniture away from windows to prevent children from climbing up and reaching the windowsill.
Use door stops or door holders on doors and door hinges to prevent injuries to hands. Children are prone to getting their small fingers and hands pinched or crushed in closing doors.
According to the CPSC, more than 1 million possible poisonings of children under age 5 are reported and an average of 30 children die from poisoning each year.
Be prepared. Keep the number for the national poison control center — (800) 222-1222 in the United States — and your local emergency numbers close to every phone.
Store poisonous products out of your child's reach. Put safety locks on all cabinets and drawers that hold bug sprays, cleaning products, medications, and other potential poisons. Remember that even some houseplants can be harmful if ingested.
Dispose of old or outdated medications. But don't flush them down the toilet or pour them down the drain, as they could contaminate the water supply. If you live in the United States, ask your local waste disposal agency whether there's a program in place for safely getting rid of them. You can also ask whether your pharmacy will take back expired medication. If these options aren't available, you'll have to throw the drugs away in the trash — but first be sure to secure them so your little one can't get to them.
Watch out for hidden poisons. Not all poisons are easy to spot. Carbon monoxide is an odorless and colorless gas produced by malfunctioning fuel-burning appliances such as furnaces, water heaters, ovens, stoves, gas dryers, and emergency generators. Although you can't see it, smell it, or taste it, carbon monoxide gas can be deadly.
To protect your family, install a carbon monoxide detector in every sleeping area in your home, including the nursery. Check the batteries every spring and fall when you change your clocks. If the alarm goes off, leave your home immediately and call 911 or the local emergency number.
Look out for lead. If you live in a building constructed before 1978, it may contain lead paint. Lead paint is especially dangerous to your child if it's flaking or peeling. Lead can also be found in tap water from older pipes that are lined or soldered with lead. Breathing lead dust or fumes or swallowing anything with lead in it can give a child lead poisoning, which can cause learning disabilities, kidney disease, brain damage, growth delay, and other problems.
If there's exposed or deteriorating lead paint in your home, have a licensed professional either remove it completely or cover it with an approved sealant. Until the lead can be removed, wash your child's hands and face, as well as his toys, often to reduce his exposure to lead-contaminated dust. For information on how to get a paint sample analyzed, visit the National Lead Information Center Web site or call (800) 424-5323.
According to the CPSC, about 115 children under age 5 drown each year — not in a pool, but in their own home.
Tubs, toilets, and even buckets of water are all potential dangers. That's why it's important to practice water safety at home.
Most in-home drowning deaths occur in bathtubs. Never leave your child unattended in the tub — even if he's in a ring or bath seat. In fact, supervise your child whenever he's in the bathroom, and install a safety latch on your toilet lid to prevent him from accidentally falling in. For more helpful hints, see childproofing your bathroom.
Infants and toddlers can drown in as little as an inch of water, according to the CPSC. This seemingly unlikely scenario happens because young children are top-heavy. If they lose their balance (as they often do) while peering into a toilet or bucket, they can fall in headfirst and get stuck.
Never leave a bucket of water or other liquid unattended. If you're using a bucket of water for mopping or cleaning, pour out the water as soon as you're finished.
Finally, take great care around pools and hot tubs. If you have a wading pool, drain it and store it upright after each use. If you have a permanent pool, enclose it with a fence that's at least 4 feet high, and lock the gate leading to the pool after each use. Always secure the cover on your spa or hot tub.
Nearly 2,500 children were injured or killed in residential fires in 2002, and more than half of those children were under the age of 5, according to the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).
Experts say that a working smoke alarm can cut in half the chances of dying in a fire. Install smoke alarms in every room of the house. Check them monthly to be sure they're working, and change the batteries every year. Consider installing smoke alarms that use long-life (10-year) batteries.
If you have a fireplace, keep a fire extinguisher nearby, and have it serviced or checked according to the manufacturer's instructions.
Start talking to your child about the dangers of fire. Make an evacuation plan and practice your fire escape route regularly.
Do you hate the feel of flame-retardant sleepwear? Softer, non-flame-retardant garments can be okay under certain conditions. See our article Childproofing Your Nursery for details.
Program emergency numbers into your home and cell phone. Keep a list of these numbers close to each phone in your home and give the list to all caregivers. Have on hand the local poison control number, or the number for the national poison control center, (800) 222-1222 in the United States, which will immediately put you in contact with the closest center.
Stock up on first-aid supplies. Make sure babysitters and other caregivers know where to find these supplies in your home and how to respond in an emergency.
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